I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
