sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
