I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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