I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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