please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
