and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
