I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
