You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
