There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
