You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
