yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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