he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
