I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
