I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
