We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
