Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
