I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
