We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
