38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
