I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
