she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
