It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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