He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
