Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
