Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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