the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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