I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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