He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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