Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
