My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
