Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
