He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
