i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize