So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
