I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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