i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
