OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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