OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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