I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
