At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
