he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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