I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
