Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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