Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
