she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
