i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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