I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
