well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
