so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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