I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
