Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
