ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
