Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
