If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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