uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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