You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A+ Viking dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
