Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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