I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think i got beer on your cat.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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