i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
