You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
