I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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