hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
