I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
