hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
