so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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