My liver just broke up with me...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize