I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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