Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
