You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
