I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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